| HOH #13 |
[May. 26th, 2007|10:22 am] |
Dear Marvel Comics,
In the past week, the so-called blog-o-sphere has been barraged with reactions to the cover of issue #13 of your comic book Heroes for Hire. By simply browsing my friends' list I have seen this cover no less than half a dozen times. After reviewing it these numerous times, I would like to say, I am offended by the cover art work and would have thought better of you.
Marvel Comics has been tying up super-heroes for almost forty years and in those years, apparently they have learned nothing. As a (semi-reformed) super-villain, I find the state of your restraints to be an insult to my profession. There are numerous ways to improve the bondage on that cover in ways that are both realistic and respectful, in regards to the modern villain.
1. Gags. None of those heroes have been gagged. The #1 means of heroic escapes are via the mouth. Whether it's talking a guard into releasing them or gnawing at bindings, an unrestrained mouth is just asking for escape.
2. Chains. Really, Marvel, chains? How many times in recent years has someone escaped from chains or shackles by dislocating a thumb? A ridiculous amount of time is the correct answer. Any super-villain halfway interested in properly restraining a hero knows that by balling up the hero's fists and immobilizing them that way (either with tape, socks, or specifically purchased specialty items) will ensure the heroes cannot squeeze free.
3. They're awake. That slime on the Brood tentacle had better be some kind of anesthetic or nerve toxin, otherwise you're giving them exactly what they want: a lubricant. Disjointed thumbs + monster slime = slipped chains.
4. Cleavage. Black Cat, Misty Knight, and whatever the other girl's name is all have their cleavage exposed. Maybe in your fantasy world this isn't a problem, but in my world super-heroines are famous for tucking useful items in their costumes. Any one of those three could have a laser-lockpick tucked in the folds of her suit, easily accessible because of their exposed cleavage, and even more easily reachable since (a) you've left their mouths free and (b) haven't apparently anchored them to the column at their waist.
I can only assume, whoever the guy behind them is, he has a vest covered with bulging, exposed pockets, because having seen the three heroines up front, that's the kind of sloppy, super-villain craftsmanship I've come to expect from Marvel Comics.
In case I was not clear, I will not be spending my money on Heroes for Hire #13. I'm saving that $3.00 and putting it toward some future, hypothetical comic book that knows proper techniques for restraining super-heroes, and doesn't try to pander to the amateurish power fantasies of fanboys, who apparently lack the ability to distinguish be restraint and repulsive!
Disappointed,
Cameron "Doctor Developer" McKay |
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| Comments: |
Marvel = OWND by DeeDee XD
*laughs like a rusty hinge-joint*
The other victim is Colleen Wing, samurai. Also, given that Misty has been shown in the past to have a detachable bionic hand that is full of useful devices, this binding scheme fails even more badly.
From: (Anonymous)
2007-05-27 08:43 pm (UTC)
| (Link)
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http://downloads.erocomics.ru/images/comics_pics/0735412001153317633.jpg
(I'm just posting randomly. I'm not implying any resemblance) | |
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